Today I was saying a rosary on my way to pick my daughter up from daycare and I missed my exit.
I then dropped an F-Bomb.
I spent about thirty seconds wondering whether I needed to stop and do something penitential or whether I should just keep rolling with the fifth Sorrowful Mystery.
I just said, “Sorry Jesus,” and kept going.
Pretty much any other day, I wouldn’t have to worry about cursing during my rosary. My wife picks up from daycare most days, and even when I do I’m usually finished well before I get to that exit.
But today, I didn’t get through two decades on the way to work like I usually do. I’ve been feeling down the last couple of days, and just didn’t want to pray. I’d imagine most of us have been there before. But about halfway to work I decided to buck up, so I picked up the beads and started. When I got back in my truck at the end of the day, I picked up right where I left off, cranking through the last four decades as I drove. So while I usually am listening to music as I get close to daycare, this time I was praying, and I was distracted, and I missed my exit.
Now off the highway, I was saying the concluding prayers. As I finished, before I made the sign of the cross, I felt like I needed to say something else to God, so I just said a quick little extra prayer. It went like this:
“Mary, I offer this rosary up to you. Ask your Son to give me consolation in this time of difficulty (long pause). Check that. Mary, I offer up this tiny difficulty to Jesus through you so that I may please Him by suffering well. Amen.”
Then I clicked on the radio.
I don’t know if when you saw the title of this blog and started reading you thought there would be some great miracle at the end. There isn’t. At least, you probably won’t think so.
But when I turned the radio on, my boy Ray Lamontagne was growling back at me. That in and of itself was enough to make me smile. But the first lines I heard him say were,
Trouble…Oh, trouble, trouble, trouble.
Trouble been dogging my soul since the day I was born.
And Worry….oh worry, worry, worry.
Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone.
Well, I’ve been saved by a woman.
I literally had just finished praying for the intercession of a Woman, Our Lady, to save me from my worries and troubles. What are the odds those would be the first lyrics I heard on the radio?
Maybe you think that’s a coincidence, and an insignificant one at that. I didn’t.
I see God in music all the time, and I really felt He was present to me then.
Now, I don’t know if He did anything in particular there. Did He divinely inspire the DJ to play that song at that moment? Probably not. Did He want me say the F-word in the middle of a Hail Mary so I would pause my prayer? I think I can safely say no. Did He inspire me to start praying my rosary when I did or to say my last extra prayer instead of possibly ending before that song came on? Much more likely, but still not certain.
My faith does not depend on such moments. If someone could somehow prove God had nothing to do with that particular incident, that it truly was blind luck, my belief would not be shaken much, if at all. I don’t believe in a Magician-god. I find the existence of the universe far more compelling evidence for His power, presence, and majesty than any “God-Moment” I’ve had.
But the God-moments help.
God doesn’t need to preform tricks to prove himself to us. But He can. He can do whatever He wants. And He will.
He is a jealous lover. He will not be limited by anything in His pursuit of our hearts. Not time. Not space. Not moods. Not DJs. He will do whatever it takes to be known by us; He will do anything to get us to notice Him. He is a true romantic: He will not force anything, but He will woo creatively and consistently and beautifully.
Closing thought: I thought of using this as the topic of a post shortly after it happened. Earlier tonight, however, I decided not to write this post. I thought it would suck (maybe it does). So I started to surf the web instead. First place I went, I came across this video.
Thought I better write the post.